Boundaries with Parents During Wedding Planning
You are getting married and your parents want a say in your wedding. What to do? How do you have the wedding you desire, honor your parents and their wishes and still get to your special day with everyone feeling excited, happy and ready to celebrate together? Here is a recent article I wrote with some helpful suggestions. Send me some of your questions or dilemmas and I would be happy to help you navigate this very sensitive and important part of your wedding planning.
Two common issues that come up especially if parents are helping to pay for the wedding.
1. How to balance their sense of having a right to influence the wedding planning and ceremony and your right as a couple to have what you want.
2. How to have the ceremony reflect your values when you consider yourself "non religious" but your parents are strongly invested in their religion or culture.
It is really helpful to be clear about your values and vision and what is "non negotiable" and what you are open to being flexible with as you communicate with your parents and prepare to set boundaries.
As a relationship and communication coach, I will help you think in what I call "both/and" terms rather than "either/or". How can we have what we want AND allow our parents to feel included. How can we have what we want, set clear boundaries AND avoid hurting those we love.
Another exploration that can be really fruitful is to ask yourselves and your parents - what really matters? Sometimes it seems like there are conflicts or opposite wishes and if everyone dialogues together, they discover that they want the same things. Everyone wants a beautiful, joy filled celebration and everyone wants to feel valued and included. Once everyone is reassured that they will get their wishes honored, even if it takes some adjusting about how that happens, there is more flexibility about how that occurs.
Sometimes it is about helping couples learn to say NO with gentle, firm empowerment. The more they know how to do this the better the outcome with parents.
When we know what we need to say no to we also can open up to what we are willing to say YES to. Funny how that works isn’t it?
If you would like help with this challenge and turn it into a wonderful opportunity to be both confident and caring with your parents during your wedding planning, please be in touch. If you have other questions or things you need help navigating, I would be honored to support you. Schedule a free consultation so I can hear your questions and needs for help and we can set up a session time. Happy Wedding Planning! Officiant Grace